Every Season Is Not An Accident

Never knew that a list of crisis was in store for me this year 2020. The year pretty much started out well but early March was the one that I didn’t see it coming- a disaster that would push me straight to the pit. It started out as having a dilemma with trivial things related to my career (where to take the board exam, should I rest and do moonlighting or go to residency program, when and where will I settle, etc.), then, COVID19 happened which affected my Postgraduate Internship Program, meaning, the future is uncertain. I began to question my life’s decisions. I was broken. It was hard taking it all together.

I thought suppressing was a good defense mechanism and that I’ll just get away with it. Well, not when you have to undergo the process of Quarantine as mandated by the government. More idle time means more time to reflect and be with your emotions. Therefore, I have to find ways to divert my attention towards my emotions but the wee hours were the hardest as the vicious cycle of ruminating keeps on slowly creeping in and I end up weeping. As days passed by, the burden became so heavy. It began to take its toll on me. I felt alone inside this pit. It was pitch black down there. I wanted someone to pick me up but not any of my family, friends nor somebody can literally pull me out. It was a battle that I have to deal on my own.

Day and night I prayed and cried to God because the pain demands to be felt. I asked Him to enter the shattered places of my heart. I allowed Him to shed light to those dark places. I realized that we don’t always need to have it together. Life is hard. We know that. Yet, we can be vulnerable. No need to suppress the pain and make people think that we are perfectly fine. We’re not living to impress but to progress.

However, God has His own way of answering prayers. I was listening to one of Peter Tan-Chi’s sermon when he quoted,

He emphasized that the battle is always in the mind. Wow,  how timely! My melancholic personality is a strength but it can also be a weakness if I am not careful. We are a product of the way we think, so we should take every thought captive because the moment we start to believe the lies of the devil or untruths about God, it will immediately show in our actions. Indeed, wrong thinking produces wrong behavior and emotions.

What did I do?

I surrendered and grieved. It helps heal our hearts. Jesus himself was also a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” Cry. Be alone. Get down in your knees and let the tears freely come. It is the right way to treat your brokenness. Allow yourself to feel again. Anger? That’s okay. Anger’s not a sin but be careful not to sin because of it (Ephesians 4:26). Trust me, you’ll be surprised that no more tears will come out from those lacrimal glands because it’s already worn out and dehyrdrated. LOL.

What did I learn from this season I am in?

I may not be where I want to be right now, but I am exactly where I need to be in this season. No season is ever wasted if we are under God’s will. I am called for such a time as this- to grow in whatever season God has for me. Instead of asking God why, I should try asking Him what He is trying to teach me. “God, what do you want me to do?”

Whether we’re at the highest mountaintop in our lives or we feel like we’re in the deepest valley walking alone, each season creates something in us that allows for self healing, growth, reflection, and complete reliance on God. I realized not to belittle the season we’re walking through but to embrace it. To have teachable hearts. Willing to listen and move or to just be still. Get lost in God’s presence and trusts Him when He says, “Everything will be alright.” Make ourselves home in His arms.

If you’re reading this and is feeling the same emotions that I am going through. Take the time to process your emotions. It’s okay to cry but continue to stay close to God as you continue to allow Him to lead you. Know that His presence is constant and He has his very best for us. Although His timing may not be convenient for us, just know He’s got something way better planned. Don’t mistake His patience for His absence. He hears you. He sees you. He’s doing things that are seen and unseen. Sometimes it’s hard to focus on His promises because- life. But I assure you that if you seek Him with your whole heart, you will find Him.

Travel with a Purpose

Traveling with friends, specifically, with my favorite people outside Cebu has always been my long-time dream. I thought it would be the best graduation gift since I’ve been deprived of things like this because of my hectic schedule in medical school. It was indeed an answered prayer when my parents allowed me to have this dream travel. Trust me, I felt like a happy kid who just got out from her room for the first time!

Travel and good friends are very important to me.  I always feel good when I’m surrounded by my close friends. Adventures keep life exciting and when you can enjoy them with good friends they’re twice as fun.

Our chosen destination was at Malapascua Island, an island located in North Cebu, which attracts local and foreign tourists, especially divers, because of its rich marine sanctuary.

 

It was also surprising and exciting at the same time that Aljon, who was working in Manila, was able to join our escapade and volunteered to drive for us using his new car named.. Strontium? Rhodium? Ruthenium? Hahaha! Forgive me, Aljon, for forgetting your car’s name.

Arrival at Maya Port

Hotels dot the shore, restaurants lining along the beach, and dive tours are offered at almost every corner. No pave roads around. No crowd. Just what I have always wanted, away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

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Each one of us has a purpose in the Lord. But many of us don’t realize that. And when we don’t have an accurate understanding of our identity, we either strive to be like someone else or something we’re not. We compare ourselves to others and feel as though we always fall short. When we don’t become who we think we’re supposed to be, it makes us critical of ourselves and our lives.

It causes us to be insecure, oversensitive, judgmental, frustrated, and unfulfilled. We become self absorbed, constantly having to think about ourselves and what we should be. It forces us to try too hard to make life happen the way we think it is supposed to. In the extreme, it makes us tell lies about ourselves and become dishonest about who we really are.

God doesn’t want that for you. He wants you to have a clear vision for your life. He wants to reveal to you what your gifts and talents are and show you how to best develop them and use them for His glory.

Wounds and Scars of the Past

Did you know when a bowl is broken in Japan it is put back together with the cracks filled with gold creating a beautiful lining. This was to emphasize the beauty in what was once broken. They believe that when something has suffered damage and has a history. It makes it more beautiful.

Therefore, everything you’ve been through, everything that you’re going through, it doesn’t make your life uglier. Although it may seem that way when we’re going through it. But it’s up to us to choose to paint our struggles with gold and make it beautiful. You are not broken beyond repair, you can pick yourself up and learn from what has happened and become a better person from it because of the struggle you’ve been through.

Believe that God can heal the wounds and scars of the past because He really can. Don’t be ashamed of your scars. Use pain for God’s glory. Scars won’t define us, but it let us spur forward in love, forgiveness, and humility. God made the human body amazingly resilient. For example, when you get a cut, your body immediately goes to work to heal it. You don’t have to think about it or coordinate it—it just happens. And often, once the body has finished its work and the wound has closed, there is a scar. The scar is evidence of closure—no more blood, no more scabs, just skin.

Once the Lord has helped you work through your pain, your life will be a compelling testimony. 🙂

A Surviving Medical Student

“Surviving Medicine was not by my own strength but by the grace of God.”

Studying Medicine is very challenging. It is really not a walk in a park, it’s not a bed of roses, it’s more of being thrown with sticks and stones but not literally speaking. Medicine was difficult and saying this word is an understatement of describing what medicine is like. It tests you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally! What made the experience hard? Imagine the whole 4 years of limited social life just to finish bulk of chapters consisting of a hundred or more pages to pass the exam and staying hopeful despite countless of failed exams.

The hardest was during senior clerkship where you are the lowest form of animal in the animal food chain. It means you do all the gerbil work. However, clerkship can also be fun if you choose to look at it in a different perspective. Surprisingly, it is the complete opposite of my apprehensions since day 1. But, I’d say I wouldn’t trade those sleepless nights of studying, endless endorsements, unlimited procedures and monitoring, exciting workshops, good and bad experiences, unexpected relationships that for sure last for a lifetime, and countless of lessons for it molded me into a better version of myself.

It wasn’t easy- this calling of becoming an instrument to save lives. However, all of it were part of the equipping and empowering. I give all the credit to The Mighty One who gave me the strength to endure this medical journey.

Matthew 6:33-34
“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”

This is my life verse. Every time I try to live my life in accordance with this passage, I’ve seen God do things which I thought weren’t possible. As I look back after the years of never-ending struggle in medicine, I realize again that my success in being able to overcome those trials so far has come from seeking the Lord, not from trying to achieve out of my own human strength. 

Being Single Doesn’t Mean

Being single doesn’t mean that we are;

INCOMPLETE

Because we are already complete in Jesus, not in a man or with a woman. We may be single or married but as a child of God, we are complete in Christ as what’s written in Colossians 2:10. Remember that time when Adam was single, when God was going to give him a wife, He said “…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18). God didn’t say He’ll make someone else and add to Adam a help meet to complete him. We actually don’t need to be in a relationship to feel complete because God himself can already fill that void in our hearts and complete us. 

MISERABLE

Nope. We are not les miserables. Singles are basically not walking around or sitting in a corner, saying “Woe is me! I have no partner.” Yes, sometimes its hard, but most of the time, we are enjoying the abundant life that Jesus has promised everyone who comes to Him.

MISSING OUT

Missing out on being in a relationship? Seriously though, as a single lady, right now, at this very moment, I believe I am where God will have me today. His grace is sufficient. And, I’m not missing out.

WITHOUT A PURPOSE

 So, being single, determines my life’s purpose? Our purpose in life, as God originally created man, is glorify God and enjoy fellowship with Him, have good relationships with others, work, and have dominion over the earth. But with man’s fall into sin, fellowship with God is broken. Only by restoring fellowship with God, through faith in Jesus Christ, can purpose in life be rediscovered. We enjoy by following God’s purpose for our lives, which enables us to experience true and lasting joy—the abundant life that He desires for us.

JUST WAITING FOR

No. We are waiting on (God), there’s a difference.

          Dear singles, be encouraged, love yourself, know your worth, live your life, don’t settle, and remember, “…the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:34)

The Beauty of Being Single

It’s the wonderful month of hearts once again and the awaited Valentine’s Day is coming up. However, it can’t be denied that there are some single people trying to put on their sad faces because they don’t have someone they call “Signficant Other.”

The word ‘single’ carries one of the most negative connotations these days. In the public’s eye, being single is equivalent to being lonesome. Who said being single is ugly and to be ashamed of? Who said single life prevents you from being happy and contented? We think such things because we are clearly brainwashed by the world’s standards. Being single is actually full of enlightenment and self-finding. Therefore, don’t go gloomy every Valentine’s day because February 14 is just a day that will just go by.

THANK GOD FOR BEING SINGLE

I’ve heard more married people thank God for their season of singleness than I’ve heard single people thank God in their season of singleness. It gives the impression that now, in retrospect, they realize what God was doing all along while they were single and they thank Him for it, which is good, nothing wrong with that, because of course, sometimes, if not most times, we don’t understand and fully appreciate what God is doing until later. But do we have to wait until we understand it before we thank Him? Does it have to be until we get it that we can express our gratitude?

You know, the bible tells us to “thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]”. -1 Thessalonians 5:18

Being single is a time that you can never get back once you get married (I’m emphasizing marriage here because there’s no other way we’re heading to once we’re in a romantic relationship but marriage). Being tied to your lifetime partner is just equal to more responsibilities, bidding goodbye to that freedom of doing anything on your own, making decisions by yourself, scheduling your daily routine and many more.

THANK GOD FOR THIS SEASON OF WAITING

Each season of our lives has its place and purpose. There is a season to be a baby and then a season to be a child. There is a season to be a teenager and then a season to be an adult. There is a season to be single and then to get married. So, don’t be such in a hurry in getting into a relationship. You might miss the good things in this beautiful season. Just remember that wherever we are right now is a season that God has placed in our lives to take pleasure in and enjoy before finally sharing our love to someone.

You may not like this season He has you in, you may not understand how you are 30 going on 31 and you are not even dating anyone, when you thought you’d have 2 kids by now, you may not understand why most of your friends are married and you’re still in school studying Law or Medicine and still livin’ la Vida sola (Haha, please I need you to laugh). You may not understand how everyone else’s boyfriend/girlfriend has been able to find them but it seems yours is having some difficulties finding his/her way.

You may not understand it all, perhaps that’s why God says, to trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, stop trying to figure it out, just trust Him. You can trust Him because He is so, so faithful.

THANK GOD FOR GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO PRAY & GROW

If you are single and have prayed and prayed for someone to love you forever, and that man/woman has not appeared, don’t think God has forgotten you. I mention this because I hear this a lot. Continue to give all your needs to the Lord and tell Him you trust Him to fulfill them. Tell Him you recognize that your greatest need is for more of Him. Don’t let discouragement about your situation cause you to settle for anything less than what God has for you. At the same time, don’t make your requirements so strict that no one can ever live up to them or would even want to try. Ask God what He wants before you tell Him what you want.

Seek the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and trust Him that He knows what (and who) is best for you. Serve God by staying in the center of His will, doing what He has asked you to do, and giving of yourself for His kingdom. When we are obedient in all of the things God is asking of us, we end up at the right place at the right time. And timing is extremely important. Make God the fulfillment of your greatest dreams and needs, and He will hear your prayers about the deepest longings of your heart. Don’t give up or stop praying; just continue growing deeper in your walk with the Lord

The Lies We Believe

I remember one particular afternoon when my family went out to watch a movie and have dinner. With everyone away it was an opportunity for me to have some quiet time and get a lot of ‘studying’ done for the exam the next day.

Much to my surprise, however, I felt tremendous loneliness and sadness after they left. I thought about everything was wrong with my life as a medical student, it made me hopelessly depressed. It was so bad I couldn’t think about anything else. These thoughts paralyzed me to such a degree that I didn’t open up to my accountability friends and ask for an advice. I didn’t get any studying done. I just sat in my table with an open Bible in front of me, I kept scanning and reading encouraging verses, reciting God’s promises over and over to comfort me but the tears just kept on streaming down my cheeks.

“Lord, what’s the matter with me and what I should do about it,” I prayed.

For the next 5 minutes, I listened to Christians praise and worship songs. I prayed. A short while, I sensed the heavy blanket of spiritual oppression lift. It lifted so suddenly and completely that I realized I had been dealing with a direct attack from the enemy. It wanted me to feel alone, invisible and not cared for. It wanted me to feel sad about my calling of becoming a doctor because it can be really stressful and lonely most of the time. Trust me, if you’re a melancholic person, the exaggeration of thoughts will drown you.

TAKE CONTROL

The other day, I was having a deep conversation with my best friends. I told them about how I struggle with overthinking and being so hard on myself. I realized that I didn’t have to entertain every thought that came into my head. I had a choice about whether to listen to them or not; That worrying changes nothing. NOT. A. SINGLE. THING. And the truth with worrying is, 90% of the time, the scenario you play in your head is much worse than reality. That moment on, I decided to have a new vision for my life and my future, and a renewed commitment to identify and resist the enemy’s lies. I realized I should have caught his lies the minute they entered my mind instead of entertaining them as truth.

A big part of standing against the enemy is taking control over our minds. Therefore, we must learn to bring every thought into captivity because when we are not raised to discern the voices in our head, we won’t recognize the voice of the devil. He is really a clever deceiver who will come to each one of us and try to speak lies into our minds. So, be ready. Get ready with bible verses as your weapon.

THE LIES WE BELIEVE

Do you every have certain thoughts that play over and over in your mind like an old broken record? Have you ever had a thought come to your mind that produces feeling in your body, such as a pain in your heart, a queasy sensation in the pit of your stomach, tightness in your throat, weakness in your arms and legs, tears in your eyes? Do “what if” thoughts ever plague your mind, such as “What if I jumped off the balcony?” or “What if I get lost in the woods?”. The harsh reality is, suicidal thoughts are overlooked by many. Have you also had “If only” thoughts? Such as, “If only I hadn’t done that.” In my case, “If I only knew that medical school would be this hard.” “If only I had been there.” “If only my husband looks like him.” Do you ever have self punishing thoughts? “No one loves me.” “I’m such a failure. “I’m no good.” “Nothing I do turns right.”

If you’ve had thoughts like these, please know that this is not God giving you revelation for your life. It is the enemy trying to gain control of your mind.

People has much suffering because of lies we believe about ourselves and circumstances. In fact, we accept the words that are spoken to our souls by an enemy who wants nothing but destroy us. That’s why if we aren’t aware of the enemy’s deceit, it can make us fearful, depressed, lonely, angry, doubtful, confused, insecure, hopeless, and full of self-pity. But again, we are to choose if we would believe such thing. So the antidote to this is overcome each one of these lies with prayer, faith, and the truth of God’s Word. It’s always truth over feelings.

CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS CAREFULLY

You have a choice about what you will accept into your mind and what you won’t. You can choose to take every thought captive and “let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5), or you can allow the devil to feed you lies and manipulate your life. If you don’t take control of your mind, the devil will.

That’s why we must be diligent to monitor what we allow into our minds. What TV shows, magazines, and books do we look at? What music do we listen to? Do they fill our minds with godly thoughts and feed our spirit so we feel enriched, peaceful, and blessed, or do they deplete us and leave us feeling empty, confused, anxious, and fearful? God is not the author of confusion but of peace. When we fill our minds with God’s Word and godly books and magazines written by people in whom God’s Spirit resides, and listen to music that praises and glorifies Him, we leave no room for the enemy’s propaganda.

Of course, not everybody has the gift of overcoming this overnight. It takes a lot of effort and processing. Just keep on feeding your mind with good things. Read more of God’s Word that it would be so etched in your mind. Taking control over our minds is just easy to say but applying it is quite challenging. However, don’t be discouraged, just keep on trying. I myself admit that I am a classic over-thinker myself. My imagination is both my strength and weakness and is just so wide that I can make drama movies out from it. That instant. Haha. That’s why we really need to take control of our minds because if we aren’t careful, the devil might use this against you just like how he used it against me. But, I want to encourage you that nothing is impossible with God. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He loves you and cares for you that He wants you to have a brighter and better future. So, just surrender your ability of overthinking, your bad and impure thoughts, depression, insecurities, suicidal thoughts and more. Think upon what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy.

Casino Peak

This was indeed a great time with bestfriend, Eviejoy.

Our signature Best friend pose

You Are Meant to be Pursued

“Na friendzone ka na ba, Ate?”

“I think it’s okay for ladies to court, right? Some men are just too passive.”

Before we go on, let’s understand first what friendzone means. In the vocabulary of millennials, friendzone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.

To answer the question, if I were a man and I got friendzoned, I might still exert extra effort to win her heart if my intentions are sincere. However, because I’m a woman, it’s different. God designed us in a unique way. Women are meant to be pursued, not to pursue. Therefore, if a man we like doesn’t like us back, then we can’t do something about it other than accept and move on.

MEN INITIATE, WOMEN RESPOND

There are many love stories that I’ve witnessed women making the first move, most especially in this generation where people are encouraging us to ask men on a date. To simply put, the world is implying that it’s okay for women to become the pursuers. Call me, old-fashioned. But ladies, we need to remember that we were not designed to pursue men. It’s not the right way. God created us women to want to be pursued and He created men to want to pursue. God’s way is always beautiful. Take figure skating as an example:

“The man leads the woman onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own—a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it” (Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).

That phrase alone tells us the crucial role of men in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if the man himself would do the pursuing? Let him man up if his intentions are real. I may not know you personally, but if you are reading this, I know deep down inside, you don’t want to lead a man. You want a man to lead you. So, wait to be pursued, wooed, and won.

BE PATIENT

The emphasis on being patient is this: don’t take action because you’re afraid that the guy won’t. When I say “action”, even the slightest and obvious cue that you are interested in that certain person e.g. engaging conversation with this person through text or chat ‘for hours’, calling him in the ‘wee hours’ of night. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with men. Just know your limitations. If you are impatient in your efforts, you might end up with with a guy who just isn’t ready to be in a relationship and trust me, the experience will be disappointing at best. Gender roles tell us that men are the ones who should approach you, call you, ask you on a date, follow-up with you, and then ask you out again. Let them do these things. You don’t want a man so paralyzed by his own insecurities that he can’t ask you for a date.

WAIT ON GOD

Don’t wait for a man to pursue you, instead wait on God. I’m already a young adult and whenever I encounter elderly people, they would always ask me if I’m already in a romantic relationship. I always tell them that I’m still waiting for the right person to come at the right season because I have to make sure that once I enter this new season, I should also be ready in meeting him at the altar.

So, ladies, don’t be such in a hurry, remember that God is in control of timing, of every man’s heart, of everything:

Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Notice that because of God’s favor, the man finds the woman, and not the other way around.)

Similarly, Proverbs 19:14 tells us “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

While waiting, make the most of the time while you are single. Use this time to learn how to cook, how to do household chores and even budget money. Learn more about who you are and seek God daily through reading bible and praying. I’m pretty sure that when you’re ready and fully equipped in becoming someone’s partner, God’s best will eventually come.

KNOW YOUR WORTH

“But, I’ve waited long enough. Why am I still single?”, “Am I not beautiful?” Take note that someone not liking us back doesn’t mean there’s always something wrong with us. Let’s always go back to His Word, and see our real value and worth. Let’s see how God sees us first.

Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).

Isn’t it mind blowing or what? We are worth far more than rubies! We are worth more than something that is potentially worth millions of pesos. So, what could our worth possibly be? How about PRICELESS! There isn’t a number that would amount to our worth. You are priceless my sister, you are beautiful, amazing, and ordained. You are a masterpiece. Even in your imperfection you are all of these and much more. Doesn’t this verse give us so much security? Our worth is more than rubies and God himself made that crystal clear.

LET GOD WRITE YOUR STORY

All of us has a God-story whether it includes marriage or not. However, we tend to manipulate God’s beautifully written story. We specify on a lot of things. We beg God to do this and that, to give us this and that. So, from now on, let us practice entrusting the pen and paper to God and let Him be the author of our lives because it’s going to be a lot more beautiful and full of romance when we allow Him.

If you’re still single and waiting for God’s best, Don’t worry about it. In fact, you no longer have to search for love to find your worth in a man’s desire for you. God loves you with an everlasting love and that alone is already enough.

Note: All pictures aren’t mine.