“Na friendzone ka na ba, Ate?”
“I think it’s okay for ladies to court, right? Some men are just too passive.”
Before we go on, let’s understand first what friendzone means. In the vocabulary of millennials, friendzone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.
To answer the question, if I were a man and I got friendzoned, I might still exert extra effort to win her heart if my intentions are sincere. However, because I’m a woman, it’s different. God designed us in a unique way. Women are meant to be pursued, not to pursue. Therefore, if a man we like doesn’t like us back, then we can’t do something about it other than accept and move on.
MEN INITIATE, WOMEN RESPOND
There are many love stories that I’ve witnessed women making the first move, most especially in this generation where people are encouraging us to ask men on a date. To simply put, the world is implying that it’s okay for women to become the pursuers. Call me, old-fashioned. But ladies, we need to remember that we were not designed to pursue men. It’s not the right way. God created us women to want to be pursued and He created men to want to pursue. God’s way is always beautiful. Take figure skating as an example:
“The man leads the woman onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own—a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it” (Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).
That phrase alone tells us the crucial role of men in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if the man himself would do the pursuing? Let him man up if his intentions are real. I may not know you personally, but if you are reading this, I know deep down inside, you don’t want to lead a man. You want a man to lead you. So, wait to be pursued, wooed, and won.
The emphasis on being patient is this: don’t take action because you’re afraid that the guy won’t. When I say “action”, even the slightest and obvious cue that you are interested in that certain person e.g. engaging conversation with this person through text or chat ‘for hours’, calling him in the ‘wee hours’ of night. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with men. Just know your limitations. If you are impatient in your efforts, you might end up with with a guy who just isn’t ready to be in a relationship and trust me, the experience will be disappointing at best. Gender roles tell us that men are the ones who should approach you, call you, ask you on a date, follow-up with you, and then ask you out again. Let them do these things. You don’t want a man so paralyzed by his own insecurities that he can’t ask you for a date.
WAIT ON GOD
Don’t wait for a man to pursue you, instead wait on God. I’m already a young adult and whenever I encounter elderly people, they would always ask me if I’m already in a romantic relationship. I always tell them that I’m still waiting for the right person to come at the right season because I have to make sure that once I enter this new season, I should also be ready in meeting him at the altar.
So, ladies, don’t be such in a hurry, remember that God is in control of timing, of every man’s heart, of everything:
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Notice that because of God’s favor, the man finds the woman, and not the other way around.)
Similarly, Proverbs 19:14 tells us “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”
“But, I’ve waited long enough. Why am I still single?”, “Am I not beautiful?” Take note that someone not liking us back doesn’t mean there’s always something wrong with us. Let’s always go back to His Word, and see our real value and worth. Let’s see how God sees us first.
Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).
Isn’t it mind blowing or what? We are worth far more than rubies! We are worth more than something that is potentially worth millions of pesos. So, what could our worth possibly be? How about PRICELESS! There isn’t a number that would amount to our worth. You are priceless my sister, you are beautiful, amazing, and ordained. You are a masterpiece. Even in your imperfection you are all of these and much more. Doesn’t this verse give us so much security? Our worth is more than rubies and God himself made that crystal clear.
LET GOD WRITE YOUR STORY
All of us has a God-story whether it includes marriage or not. However, we tend to manipulate God’s beautifully written story. We specify on a lot of things. We beg God to do this and that, to give us this and that. So, from now on, let us practice entrusting the pen and paper to God and let Him be the author of our lives because it’s going to be a lot more beautiful and full of romance when we allow Him.
If you’re still single and waiting for God’s best, Don’t worry about it. In fact, you no longer have to search for love to find your worth in a man’s desire for you. God loves you with an everlasting love and that alone is already enough.
Note: All pictures aren’t mine.