Being single doesn’t mean that we are;
Dear singles, be encouraged, love yourself, know your worth, live your life, don’t settle, and remember, “…the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:34)
It’s the wonderful month of hearts once again and the awaited Valentine’s Day is coming up. However, it can’t be denied that there are some single people trying to put on their sad faces because they don’t have someone they call “Signficant Other.”
The word ‘single’ carries one of the most negative connotations these days. In the public’s eye, being single is equivalent to being lonesome. Who said being single is ugly and to be ashamed of? Who said single life prevents you from being happy and contented? We think such things because we are clearly brainwashed by the world’s standards. Being single is actually full of enlightenment and self-finding. Therefore, don’t go gloomy every Valentine’s day because February 14 is just a day that will just go by.
I’ve heard more married people thank God for their season of singleness than I’ve heard single people thank God in their season of singleness. It gives the impression that now, in retrospect, they realize what God was doing all along while they were single and they thank Him for it, which is good, nothing wrong with that, because of course, sometimes, if not most times, we don’t understand and fully appreciate what God is doing until later. But do we have to wait until we understand it before we thank Him? Does it have to be until we get it that we can express our gratitude?
You know, the bible tells us to “thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]”. -1 Thessalonians 5:18
Being single is a time that you can never get back once you get married (I’m emphasizing marriage here because there’s no other way we’re heading to once we’re in a romantic relationship but marriage). Being tied to your lifetime partner is just equal to more responsibilities, bidding goodbye to that freedom of doing anything on your own, making decisions by yourself, scheduling your daily routine and many more.
Each season of our lives has its place and purpose. There is a season to be a baby and then a season to be a child. There is a season to be a teenager and then a season to be an adult. There is a season to be single and then to get married. So, don’t be such in a hurry in getting into a relationship. You might miss the good things in this beautiful season. Just remember that wherever we are right now is a season that God has placed in our lives to take pleasure in and enjoy before finally sharing our love to someone.
You may not like this season He has you in, you may not understand how you are 30 going on 31 and you are not even dating anyone, when you thought you’d have 2 kids by now, you may not understand why most of your friends are married and you’re still in school studying Law or Medicine and still livin’ la Vida sola (Haha, please I need you to laugh). You may not understand how everyone else’s boyfriend/girlfriend has been able to find them but it seems yours is having some difficulties finding his/her way.
You may not understand it all, perhaps that’s why God says, to trust in Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, stop trying to figure it out, just trust Him. You can trust Him because He is so, so faithful.
If you are single and have prayed and prayed for someone to love you forever, and that man/woman has not appeared, don’t think God has forgotten you. I mention this because I hear this a lot. Continue to give all your needs to the Lord and tell Him you trust Him to fulfill them. Tell Him you recognize that your greatest need is for more of Him. Don’t let discouragement about your situation cause you to settle for anything less than what God has for you. At the same time, don’t make your requirements so strict that no one can ever live up to them or would even want to try. Ask God what He wants before you tell Him what you want.
Seek the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and trust Him that He knows what (and who) is best for you. Serve God by staying in the center of His will, doing what He has asked you to do, and giving of yourself for His kingdom. When we are obedient in all of the things God is asking of us, we end up at the right place at the right time. And timing is extremely important. Make God the fulfillment of your greatest dreams and needs, and He will hear your prayers about the deepest longings of your heart. Don’t give up or stop praying; just continue growing deeper in your walk with the Lord.
Next time, don’t get sad just because you don’t have somebody to eat dinner with this Valentine’s. Instead, choose to be grateful. Like, thank God for:
We have a lot to be thankful for. Don’t be the person who’ll only thank God for their season of singleness when they already found their God’s best, thank Him in it.
I remember one particular afternoon when my family went out to watch a movie and have dinner. With everyone away it was an opportunity for me to have some quiet time and get a lot of ‘studying’ done for the exam the next day.
Much to my surprise, however, I felt tremendous loneliness and sadness after they left. I thought about everything was wrong with my life as a medical student, it made me hopelessly depressed. It was so bad I couldn’t think about anything else. These thoughts paralyzed me to such a degree that I didn’t open up to my accountability friends and ask for an advice. I didn’t get any studying done. I just sat in my table with an open Bible in front of me, I kept scanning and reading encouraging verses, reciting God’s promises over and over to comfort me but the tears just kept on streaming down my cheeks.
“Lord, what’s the matter with me and what I should do about it,” I prayed.
For the next 5 minutes, I listened to Christians praise and worship songs. I prayed. A short while, I sensed the heavy blanket of spiritual oppression lift. It lifted so suddenly and completely that I realized I had been dealing with a direct attack from the enemy. It wanted me to feel alone, invisible and not cared for. It wanted me to feel sad about my calling of becoming a doctor because it can be really stressful and lonely most of the time. Trust me, if you’re a melancholic person, the exaggeration of thoughts will drown you.
The other day, I was having a deep conversation with my best friends. I told them about how I struggle with overthinking and being so hard on myself. I realized that I didn’t have to entertain every thought that came into my head. I had a choice about whether to listen to them or not; That worrying changes nothing. NOT. A. SINGLE. THING. And the truth with worrying is, 90% of the time, the scenario you play in your head is much worse than reality. That moment on, I decided to have a new vision for my life and my future, and a renewed commitment to identify and resist the enemy’s lies. I realized I should have caught his lies the minute they entered my mind instead of entertaining them as truth.
A big part of standing against the enemy is taking control over our minds. Therefore, we must learn to bring every thought into captivity because when we are not raised to discern the voices in our head, we won’t recognize the voice of the devil. He is really a clever deceiver who will come to each one of us and try to speak lies into our minds. So, be ready. Get ready with bible verses as your weapon.
THE LIES WE BELIEVE
Do you every have certain thoughts that play over and over in your mind like an old broken record? Have you ever had a thought come to your mind that produces feeling in your body, such as a pain in your heart, a queasy sensation in the pit of your stomach, tightness in your throat, weakness in your arms and legs, tears in your eyes? Do “what if” thoughts ever plague your mind, such as “What if I jumped off the balcony?” or “What if I get lost in the woods?”. The harsh reality is, suicidal thoughts are overlooked by many. Have you also had “If only” thoughts? Such as, “If only I hadn’t done that.” In my case, “If I only knew that medical school would be this hard.” “If only I had been there.” “If only my husband looks like him.” Do you ever have self punishing thoughts? “No one loves me.” “I’m such a failure. “I’m no good.” “Nothing I do turns right.”
If you’ve had thoughts like these, please know that this is not God giving you revelation for your life. It is the enemy trying to gain control of your mind.
People has much suffering because of lies we believe about ourselves and circumstances. In fact, we accept the words that are spoken to our souls by an enemy who wants nothing but destroy us. That’s why if we aren’t aware of the enemy’s deceit, it can make us fearful, depressed, lonely, angry, doubtful, confused, insecure, hopeless, and full of self-pity. But again, we are to choose if we would believe such thing. So the antidote to this is overcome each one of these lies with prayer, faith, and the truth of God’s Word. It’s always truth over feelings.
CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS CAREFULLY
You have a choice about what you will accept into your mind and what you won’t. You can choose to take every thought captive and “let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5), or you can allow the devil to feed you lies and manipulate your life. If you don’t take control of your mind, the devil will.
That’s why we must be diligent to monitor what we allow into our minds. What TV shows, magazines, and books do we look at? What music do we listen to? Do they fill our minds with godly thoughts and feed our spirit so we feel enriched, peaceful, and blessed, or do they deplete us and leave us feeling empty, confused, anxious, and fearful? God is not the author of confusion but of peace. When we fill our minds with God’s Word and godly books and magazines written by people in whom God’s Spirit resides, and listen to music that praises and glorifies Him, we leave no room for the enemy’s propaganda.
Of course, not everybody has the gift of overcoming this overnight. It takes a lot of effort and processing. Just keep on feeding your mind with good things. Read more of God’s Word that it would be so etched in your mind. Taking control over our minds is just easy to say but applying it is quite challenging. However, don’t be discouraged, just keep on trying. I myself admit that I am a classic over-thinker myself. My imagination is both my strength and weakness and is just so wide that I can make drama movies out from it. That instant. Haha. That’s why we really need to take control of our minds because if we aren’t careful, the devil might use this against you just like how he used it against me. But, I want to encourage you that nothing is impossible with God. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He loves you and cares for you that He wants you to have a brighter and better future. So, just surrender your ability of overthinking, your bad and impure thoughts, depression, insecurities, suicidal thoughts and more. Think upon what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy.
“Na friendzone ka na ba, Ate?”
“I think it’s okay for ladies to court, right? Some men are just too passive.”
Before we go on, let’s understand first what friendzone means. In the vocabulary of millennials, friendzone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.
To answer the question, if I were a man and I got friendzoned, I might still exert extra effort to win her heart if my intentions are sincere. However, because I’m a woman, it’s different. God designed us in a unique way. Women are meant to be pursued, not to pursue. Therefore, if a man we like doesn’t like us back, then we can’t do something about it other than accept and move on.
MEN INITIATE, WOMEN RESPOND
There are many love stories that I’ve witnessed women making the first move, most especially in this generation where people are encouraging us to ask men on a date. To simply put, the world is implying that it’s okay for women to become the pursuers. Call me, old-fashioned. But ladies, we need to remember that we were not designed to pursue men. It’s not the right way. God created us women to want to be pursued and He created men to want to pursue. God’s way is always beautiful. Take figure skating as an example:
“The man leads the woman onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own—a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it” (Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).
That phrase alone tells us the crucial role of men in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if the man himself would do the pursuing? Let him man up if his intentions are real. I may not know you personally, but if you are reading this, I know deep down inside, you don’t want to lead a man. You want a man to lead you. So, wait to be pursued, wooed, and won.
The emphasis on being patient is this: don’t take action because you’re afraid that the guy won’t. When I say “action”, even the slightest and obvious cue that you are interested in that certain person e.g. engaging conversation with this person through text or chat ‘for hours’, calling him in the ‘wee hours’ of night. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with men. Just know your limitations. If you are impatient in your efforts, you might end up with with a guy who just isn’t ready to be in a relationship and trust me, the experience will be disappointing at best. Gender roles tell us that men are the ones who should approach you, call you, ask you on a date, follow-up with you, and then ask you out again. Let them do these things. You don’t want a man so paralyzed by his own insecurities that he can’t ask you for a date.
WAIT ON GOD
Don’t wait for a man to pursue you, instead wait on God. I’m already a young adult and whenever I encounter elderly people, they would always ask me if I’m already in a romantic relationship. I always tell them that I’m still waiting for the right person to come at the right season because I have to make sure that once I enter this new season, I should also be ready in meeting him at the altar.
So, ladies, don’t be such in a hurry, remember that God is in control of timing, of every man’s heart, of everything:
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Notice that because of God’s favor, the man finds the woman, and not the other way around.)
Similarly, Proverbs 19:14 tells us “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”
“But, I’ve waited long enough. Why am I still single?”, “Am I not beautiful?” Take note that someone not liking us back doesn’t mean there’s always something wrong with us. Let’s always go back to His Word, and see our real value and worth. Let’s see how God sees us first.
Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).
Isn’t it mind blowing or what? We are worth far more than rubies! We are worth more than something that is potentially worth millions of pesos. So, what could our worth possibly be? How about PRICELESS! There isn’t a number that would amount to our worth. You are priceless my sister, you are beautiful, amazing, and ordained. You are a masterpiece. Even in your imperfection you are all of these and much more. Doesn’t this verse give us so much security? Our worth is more than rubies and God himself made that crystal clear.
LET GOD WRITE YOUR STORY
All of us has a God-story whether it includes marriage or not. However, we tend to manipulate God’s beautifully written story. We specify on a lot of things. We beg God to do this and that, to give us this and that. So, from now on, let us practice entrusting the pen and paper to God and let Him be the author of our lives because it’s going to be a lot more beautiful and full of romance when we allow Him.
If you’re still single and waiting for God’s best, Don’t worry about it. In fact, you no longer have to search for love to find your worth in a man’s desire for you. God loves you with an everlasting love and that alone is already enough.
Note: All pictures aren’t mine.
Walking to Kawasan Falls in South Cebu is quite an adventure and exciting…
More than the color of its water, Kawasan’s other charm is its rustic appeal.
A short 15-minute walk from the national highway will lead you to the majestic waterfall.
This is the reward for many travelers that await- the grandeur waterfall with gentle rushing and flowing of ice cold natural spring water.
Perhaps it’s the water that draws local and foreign tourists alike to this charming destination in Cebu.
There is actually other waterfalls to visit in the area, and they are located just above the famous Kawasan Waterfall. These waterfalls are a bit smaller, but they still have beautiful turquoise waters.
I stared at the beautiful scenery in front of me, letting my eyes feast on these pretty little things.
Taking pictures of chocolates are exciting and fun. It dances with our neurochemistry in order to actually uplift the body and mind. The chocolates above are my top 3 favorites.
What are yours?
Wedding bells are ringing!
Last December 8, a bridal shower surprise was held for our dearest Candice a.k.a. Ken-Ken. This occasion is really special and kind of new to me because Ken-Ken happens to be the first close friend of mine who got married. So, before tying the knot with her soon-to-be hubby, we decided to celebrate her last few days of single hood.
It was a privilege to help Eviejoy, the maid of honor/organizer of the said Bridal shower (Haha), to decorate the place. I admit I love art but I wasn’t sure that decorating was my forte. Amazingly, we were able to pull off a beautiful pink theme bridal shower for Ken-Ken. We planned to keep it simple but it turned out to be so striking!
What made this bridal shower even better is the fact that the bride is just about one of the Spirit-filled women I know. She truly loves the Lord, has a heart for His service and it is just amazing to see how the Lord moves in her life. So inspirational!
It was indeed a night full of food, games, love songs and words of encouragement for the bride.
We ended the night by speaking blessings and offering prayers for the bride (including the groom) and their wedding.
When I was going through our pictures above, it reminded me that all of us really need friends whether we like it or not. We need people in our lives who will love us (aside from our family) where we are and help us get to a place of higher living. We need friends that will hold us accountable to God’s standards… More like, friends that sharpen us.
The Bible makes a point about this type of friendship. “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)
Now, take time to think of your friendships at the moment. Are they friends that sharpen you? Do they make you wiser and better? Is there anyone in your life who asks you tough questions, shares godly truths, and confronts you when you need to be confronted? If so, thank God for her. Bond with her on a regular basis, grant her permission to continue to speak into your life, and ask that she do the same.
Are you that friend to anyone? Do you long to have deeper friendships? If you find yourself in a wide pool of shallow friendships, pray for it. Pray that God would bring meaningful friendships to your life and that He would teach you what it looks like to be a good, godly friend.
There’s this post that I read a while ago written by an unknown woman. She said that when we have a companion that sharpens and become a companion that sharpens, our lives are enriched. True! Can you think about what our homes, our neighborhoods, our churches, our work places, and our lives would look like if we all had this type of friend?
I’d like to end this post by what Helen Keller beautifully said: “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”
Therefore, treasure your good, godly girlfriends! ❤
Before You came into my life, it was nothing but empty space– a void – and no form at all, only darkness. If I have to describe my life, It was nothing, it was shapeless with nothing to be seen– it was a void. I was selfish and full of hate. Always fearful.
Your very presence brought great joy in my life. You make me dance for joy and I can’t explain why. It’s just that you fill my heart afresh each day, love and goodness overflow from my heart. Because of you, I can easily forgive and extend grace. You inspire me so much. You make me happy and appreciate the littlest of things. You are my bright sun and ever-present shield. You’re everything to my planet. I always feel so safe into your arms, you take care of reality, of what is really here. You are my great peace and contentment. You made me realize that silence, weirdly and paradoxically, fills this emptiness in me. I have become to love it because it isn’t absence; it’s where I can feel your presence. Whenever I feel restless about my limitations or what I don’t have or what I think I should have, I just draw myself to you who made my universe possible.
When you came into my life, You saved me from this sinful life and hostile world. You took me out of the darkness, You brought so much warmth into this very cold heart. You removed all the baggage that I am carrying. Suffering from emptiness that literally nothing in this world can fill, You overflowed me with so much adoration. It’s a wonderful feeling that this empty void of space inside my heart can aside from being physically filled with blood can also be spiritually filled by You. It is like you were the hole made for this heart. And now I can say that there was always this dwelling place for You within my heart.
Thank you for turning my futile life into something that is so full of meaning and color. The magnitude of your love is immeasurable and because of that I have loved you even more. Oh, how wonderful it is to be a child of yours and to enjoy this privilege.
This Christmas, what I want is not easy to see, it’s not wrapped in paper nor found under the tree. It’s precious and more valued than gold. All I want is my Savior’s presence, my Jesus. He is the reason why you and I live. He is the reason for this season because 2,000 years ago, He redeemed us from death. He set aside His glory to be dressed up in human flesh so that in the fullness of time, those who trust in His name might be made His sons and daughters. He died on the cross because He loves us even though there’s nothing good in us.
Jesus will always be the best gift ever infiltrated in my heart. 🙂