You Are Meant to be Pursued

“Na friendzone ka na ba, Ate?”

“I think it’s okay for ladies to court, right? Some men are just too passive.”

Before we go on, let’s understand first what friendzone means. In the vocabulary of millennials, friendzone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.

To answer the question, if I were a man and I got friendzoned, I might still exert extra effort to win her heart if my intentions are sincere. However, because I’m a woman, it’s different. God designed us in a unique way. Women are meant to be pursued, not to pursue. Therefore, if a man we like doesn’t like us back, then we can’t do something about it other than accept and move on.

MEN INITIATE, WOMEN RESPOND

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There are many love stories that I’ve witnessed women making the first move, most especially in this generation where people are encouraging us to ask men on a date. To simply put, the world is implying that it’s okay for women to become the pursuers. Call me, old-fashioned. But ladies, we need to remember that we were not designed to pursue men. It’s not the right way. God created us women to want to be pursued and He created men to want to pursue. God’s way is always beautiful. Take figure skating as an example:

“The man leads the woman onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own—a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it” (Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).

That phrase alone tells us the crucial role of men in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if the man himself would do the pursuing? Let him man up if his intentions are real. I may not know you personally, but if you are reading this, I know deep down inside, you don’t want to lead a man. You want a man to lead you. So, wait to be pursued, wooed, and won.

BE PATIENT

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The emphasis on being patient is this: don’t take action because you’re afraid that the guy won’t. When I say “action”, even the slightest and obvious cue that you are interested in that certain person e.g. engaging conversation with this person through text or chat ‘for hours’, calling him in the ‘wee hours’ of night. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with men. Just know your limitations. If you are impatient in your efforts, you might end up with with a guy who just isn’t ready to be in a relationship and trust me, the experience will be disappointing at best. Gender roles tell us that men are the ones who should approach you, call you, ask you on a date, follow-up with you, and then ask you out again. Let them do these things. You don’t want a man so paralyzed by his own insecurities that he can’t ask you for a date.

WAIT ON GOD

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Don’t wait for a man to pursue you, instead wait on God. I’m already a young adult and whenever I encounter elderly people, they would always ask me if I’m already in a romantic relationship. I always tell them that I’m still waiting for the right person to come at the right season because I have to make sure that once I enter this new season, I should also be ready in meeting him at the altar.

So, ladies, don’t be such in a hurry, remember that God is in control of timing, of every man’s heart, of everything:

Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Notice that because of God’s favor, the man finds the woman, and not the other way around.)

Similarly, Proverbs 19:14 tells us “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

While waiting, make the most of the time while you are single. Use this time to learn how to cook, how to do household chores and even budget money. Learn more about who you are and seek God daily through reading bible and praying. I’m pretty sure that when you’re ready and fully equipped in becoming someone’s partner, God’s best will eventually come.
KNOW YOUR WORTH

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“But, I’ve waited long enough. Why am I still single?”, “Am I not beautiful?” Take note that someone not liking us back doesn’t mean there’s always something wrong with us. Let’s always go back to His Word, and see our real value and worth. Let’s see how God sees us first.

Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).

Isn’t it mind blowing or what? We are worth far more than rubies! We are worth more than something that is potentially worth millions of pesos. So, what could our worth possibly be? How about PRICELESS! There isn’t a number that would amount to our worth. You are priceless my sister, you are beautiful, amazing, and ordained. You are a masterpiece. Even in your imperfection you are all of these and much more. Doesn’t this verse give us so much security? Our worth is more than rubies and God himself made that crystal clear.

LET GOD WRITE YOUR STORY

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All of us has a God-story whether it includes marriage or not. However, we tend to manipulate God’s beautifully written story. We specify on a lot of things. We beg God to do this and that, to give us this and that. So, from now on, let us practice entrusting the pen and paper to God and let Him be the author of our lives because it’s going to be a lot more beautiful and full of romance when we allow Him.

If you’re still single and waiting for God’s best, Don’t worry about it. In fact, you no longer have to search for love to find your worth in a man’s desire for you. God loves you with an everlasting love and that alone is already enough.

Note: All pictures aren’t mine.

All I want for Christmas is You

Before You came into my life, it was nothing but empty space– a void – and no form at all, only darkness. If I have to describe my life, It was nothing, it was shapeless with nothing to be seen– it was a void. I was selfish and full of hate. Always fearful.

Your very presence brought great joy in my life. You make me dance for joy and I can’t explain why. It’s just that you fill my heart afresh each day, love and goodness overflow from my heart. Because of you, I can easily forgive and extend grace. You inspire me so much. You make me happy and appreciate the littlest of things. You are my bright sun and ever-present shield. You’re everything to my planet. I always feel so safe into your arms, you take care of reality, of what is really here. You are my great peace and contentment. You made me realize that silence, weirdly and paradoxically, fills this emptiness in me. I have become to love it because it isn’t absence; it’s where I can feel your presence. Whenever I feel restless about my limitations or what I don’t have or what I think I should have, I just draw myself to you who made my universe possible.

When you came into my life, You saved me from this sinful life and hostile world. You took me out of the darkness, You brought so much warmth into this very cold heart. You removed all the baggage that I am carrying. Suffering from emptiness that literally nothing in this world can fill, You overflowed me with so much adoration. It’s a wonderful feeling that this empty void of space inside my heart can aside from being physically filled with blood can also be spiritually filled by You. It is like you were the hole made for this heart. And now I can say that there was always this dwelling place for You within my heart.

Thank you for turning my futile life into something that is so full of meaning and color. The magnitude of your love is immeasurable and because of that I have loved you even more. Oh, how wonderful it is to be a child of yours and to enjoy this privilege.

This Christmas, what I want is not easy to see, it’s not wrapped in paper nor found under the tree. It’s precious and more valued than gold. All I want is my Savior’s presence, my Jesus. He is the reason why you and I live. He is the reason for this season because 2,000 years ago, He redeemed us from death. He set aside His glory to be dressed up in human flesh so that in the fullness of time, those who trust in His name might be made His sons and daughters. He died on the cross because He loves us even though there’s nothing good in us.

Jesus will always be the best gift ever infiltrated in my heart. 🙂

The Girl in the Coffee Shop

I went inside the coffee shop to buy a cup of coffee to warm me up. To my surprise, the shop was jam-packed. So I began to look for a vacant chair and table. I searched from the leftmost side and to the right to find a girl sitting alone. I was really bothered to see her studying alone with two vacant chairs. Just as when I was about to complain, the barista whispered saying, “She has always been studying here at that round table, big books open, scattered around and stacked atop each other.” I was mad. Super mad.

I was about to approach her to ask if I could sit with her but the old lady at the other side began to stand to leave her table. Yes! Just about time. Thanks Old lady for the seat.

I finally toted my laptop to the coffee shop to make some headway on my novel. I bought a double espresso, sat down, flipped the screen up and discovered I hadn’t charged the friggin’ battery. So I sat there for a while, sipping idly and occasionally tapping the “ON” button as if that might make some sort of difference. When my eyes began to straight right through the border of my laptop, I began to look at the girl. She was laughing while reading her book or was it because she was enjoying the music from her earphones? I was certainly disgusted to find out that I was kind of enjoying the sight of this girl reading and enjoying her drink. Dude, better focus.

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Okay. I can’t focus. To pass time, I tried figuring out what book she was reading by heading to the comfort room. I passed by and found out that she was a medical student. Mmm. I see determination radiated from her.

Hours passed by. The whole time I was writing my novel with a pen I was also trying to find a way to talk to her or at least say Hello to her but I never wanted to look like a creep. Ha! It’s 10:00 o’clock in the evening and I had never been so productive. Wait, she’s leaving. No. Don’t leave yet. Wait! Why can’t I just talk to her? Darn, I just lost her. It’s moments like this that i wish I could rewind the time that I messed up. I didn’t even say Hello at her. I didn’t even catch her name or better yet get her number. She did look right at me. Smiled and walked away through that door.

It wasn’t over for me so I went back to the coffee shop the next day to wait for her. I ordered 3 different kinds of coffee drinks just to wait until the evening but she didn’t show up. I went back the next day and I still didn’t see her there. Just the smell of the Iced Caramel Macciato in the air sitting down. I just can’t believe that I blew the chance that I had.

Am I falling in love with the girl at the coffee shop? I don’t know her name but it’s her that I am always thinking of. Never would I have guessed that I’d fall for a stranger. Never thought that I’d fall in love with the girl at the coffee shop. With my desperation, I can’t believe I even asked an old man about her. I can’t believe I sounded like stalker or am I really a stalker?

*Tink* I heard the bell over the door tinkling. Then and there I saw her for the first time with her uniform. Beauty walked right in front of me with a book on her hand as she went to the cash register. “One Vanilla Bean Frappucino with Caramel, please.”

This is my chance. There’s no turning back. I approached the cash register looking at the book she was holding. It wasn’t a medical book but it says Do it. Wow. Thanks buddy for inspiring me to do this. Here we go.

“Excuse me, Miss. My Name is Derek. I’ll get the same thing but first make the girl’s drink a venti.” #SuperTheMoves

Sorry for the random story. Haha!