You Are Meant to be Pursued

“Na friendzone ka na ba, Ate?”

“I think it’s okay for ladies to court, right? Some men are just too passive.”

Before we go on, let’s understand first what friendzone means. In the vocabulary of millennials, friendzone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.

To answer the question, if I were a man and I got friendzoned, I might still exert extra effort to win her heart if my intentions are sincere. However, because I’m a woman, it’s different. God designed us in a unique way. Women are meant to be pursued, not to pursue. Therefore, if a man we like doesn’t like us back, then we can’t do something about it other than accept and move on.

MEN INITIATE, WOMEN RESPOND

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There are many love stories that I’ve witnessed women making the first move, most especially in this generation where people are encouraging us to ask men on a date. To simply put, the world is implying that it’s okay for women to become the pursuers. Call me, old-fashioned. But ladies, we need to remember that we were not designed to pursue men. It’s not the right way. God created us women to want to be pursued and He created men to want to pursue. God’s way is always beautiful. Take figure skating as an example:

“The man leads the woman onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine. She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His raw, physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength with her own—a more diminutive and more attractive strength of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it” (Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart).

That phrase alone tells us the crucial role of men in a relationship. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if the man himself would do the pursuing? Let him man up if his intentions are real. I may not know you personally, but if you are reading this, I know deep down inside, you don’t want to lead a man. You want a man to lead you. So, wait to be pursued, wooed, and won.

BE PATIENT

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The emphasis on being patient is this: don’t take action because you’re afraid that the guy won’t. When I say “action”, even the slightest and obvious cue that you are interested in that certain person e.g. engaging conversation with this person through text or chat ‘for hours’, calling him in the ‘wee hours’ of night. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with men. Just know your limitations. If you are impatient in your efforts, you might end up with with a guy who just isn’t ready to be in a relationship and trust me, the experience will be disappointing at best. Gender roles tell us that men are the ones who should approach you, call you, ask you on a date, follow-up with you, and then ask you out again. Let them do these things. You don’t want a man so paralyzed by his own insecurities that he can’t ask you for a date.

WAIT ON GOD

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Don’t wait for a man to pursue you, instead wait on God. I’m already a young adult and whenever I encounter elderly people, they would always ask me if I’m already in a romantic relationship. I always tell them that I’m still waiting for the right person to come at the right season because I have to make sure that once I enter this new season, I should also be ready in meeting him at the altar.

So, ladies, don’t be such in a hurry, remember that God is in control of timing, of every man’s heart, of everything:

Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Notice that because of God’s favor, the man finds the woman, and not the other way around.)

Similarly, Proverbs 19:14 tells us “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

While waiting, make the most of the time while you are single. Use this time to learn how to cook, how to do household chores and even budget money. Learn more about who you are and seek God daily through reading bible and praying. I’m pretty sure that when you’re ready and fully equipped in becoming someone’s partner, God’s best will eventually come.
KNOW YOUR WORTH

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“But, I’ve waited long enough. Why am I still single?”, “Am I not beautiful?” Take note that someone not liking us back doesn’t mean there’s always something wrong with us. Let’s always go back to His Word, and see our real value and worth. Let’s see how God sees us first.

Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).

Isn’t it mind blowing or what? We are worth far more than rubies! We are worth more than something that is potentially worth millions of pesos. So, what could our worth possibly be? How about PRICELESS! There isn’t a number that would amount to our worth. You are priceless my sister, you are beautiful, amazing, and ordained. You are a masterpiece. Even in your imperfection you are all of these and much more. Doesn’t this verse give us so much security? Our worth is more than rubies and God himself made that crystal clear.

LET GOD WRITE YOUR STORY

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All of us has a God-story whether it includes marriage or not. However, we tend to manipulate God’s beautifully written story. We specify on a lot of things. We beg God to do this and that, to give us this and that. So, from now on, let us practice entrusting the pen and paper to God and let Him be the author of our lives because it’s going to be a lot more beautiful and full of romance when we allow Him.

If you’re still single and waiting for God’s best, Don’t worry about it. In fact, you no longer have to search for love to find your worth in a man’s desire for you. God loves you with an everlasting love and that alone is already enough.

Note: All pictures aren’t mine.

An Open Love Letter To You

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Dear future partner,

Statistics show there are seven billion people in the world. Seven billion people with different names, different faces, and different perspectives. Some of them are happy, some are confused, some are hurting, and some are indifferent. There are seven billion people in this world. Quite a big number, yet amazingly one of them is YOU.

Perhaps, I’ll meet you in a little coffee shop where I usually study and burn candles for the next dreadful exams, perhaps I’ll meet you at your favorite bookstore, in a church event where I see you worshiping and praising, in a random gathering where unnoticeably we exchanged smiles and laughter or perhaps at my favorite restaurant or like the usual stories in movies where we just bump into each other and capture each other’s thoughts and leave each other’s deep impression. I don’t exactly know where I will be meeting you but maybe, just maybe, you are just a quaint for all these years and you might be reading this right now. I just do not know but one thing’s for sure, God is full of surprises especially when you make Him write your love story.

I may not know who you are yet- your name, your smile, albeit I’m pretty sure you have that lovely face. However, those physical features won’t matter because I know what I’m going to adore about you is your love and burning passion for Christ. There’s nothing more manly on this earth than a man who is so in love in Christ and is fully surrendered to His will. Don’t you worry, all the things that we have been doing alone for quite a long time will soon come to an end and we’ll be finally doing things together. We’ll get awkward on our first date together, hang out with our friends together, eat lots of good food together, conquer our first long hike together, watch our favorite bands together, get a closer and better view on our big smiles, have deep conversation with about anything, go to church and worship God together, pray together, cry together, laugh together, dance and kid around whenever we want to, exchange each other’s Iloveyous and finally use the Iloveyouitmakesmecrazycryhappy. Yes, that wonderful feeling of warmth and sometimes chill, the feel of crazy butterflies in our stomachs. I am more than excited to know that we will feel “kilig” all the days of our lives until we meet at the altar and exchange not only our “I Love Yous” but our “I Dos.”

Always know that I am earnestly and constantly praying for you. I am preserving my heart for you and how lovely it is to think that you would also wait and pray for me. Wait ‘til the right time comes. At this moment, let’s just make God our partner for life before and after we find each other. Let’s wait patiently, pray fervently and start preparing ourselves to be the “right one” for each other. Let us enjoy this season of singleness because when the long wait is over, it will be a meaningful start of our amazing journey together and I’m sure you’re going to love it. You’ll be the happiest man on earth just like the happiest woman that I will be.

To my dearest future partner, there are seven billion people in this world. Many of them could have my heart right now, but I choose to wait if waiting means having our happy ending together with you and my God above.

Your future princess ♥

Wait for me a little more, will you?

1aWait for me a little more, will you? Wait for me ‘til I’m ready. Wait for me to finish medical school. Wouldn’t that be great not to have medical books in between our dinner dates and movie dates? That I no longer have to make our incoming exams and bimonthlies an excuse for forgetting our anniversary date. Wait ‘til I’m already a doctor. Until I am able to take care of you 24/7. Wait for me ‘til I’m mature enough, ‘til I’m ready to share my love to you, ‘til I’m already a wife material, ‘til I’m ready to become the mother of your children, ‘til I’m done chasing my dreams and you. Wait if you can. Keep those feelings intact. Wait even though waiting feels like a journey to a desert. Wait and be hopeful with the Lord. I’m pretty sure that even though waiting is hard, God’s grace will sustain you. Don’t focus on me. Focus on God, wait on Him, seek Him.

Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy. Build your faith and dependence on God, make your family happy, cultivate friendships, be the right person for me as I try to be the right person for you. And then when I’m ready, surprise me. I tell you, it will be one of the most beautiful moments in our lives. It will be worth the long wait.

Wait ‘cause I’m just here. I’m just working my way toward you.

Don’t give up on us… yet.

Yours truly,

Delbeth

I Don’t Want To Date You… Just Yet

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To that one person out there…

I don’t want to date you if we are just driven with hormones and chemicals inside our bodies; instead I want to go out with you when both of us are sure that we are not controlled by just our emotions. We respect each other’s bodies by honoring it. We see each other beyond attraction alone.

I don’t want to date you when you’re not sure of yourself nor you’re not sure of us. Let’s bid goodbye to dating as something like trial and error. Let’s not see it as something that will decipher how sure we are of ourselves. Hence, let us first be saturated and secured on His love alone. Only in this way we’ll be able to say that we are certain of ourselves.

I don’t want to date you when you’re just after a heartbreak, because I want to give you that space to heal. I hope you’re giving yourself that kind of space too. I also hope that you will use that space to focus on God, on yourself, on your dreams, and on your family. So when the time comes that you’ll meet me, you already know that you are  complete.

I don’t want to date you if you’re not intentional, because being intentional means that you know your motive. And the motive behind dating and courtship is you see me as the person who’ll be with you and grow old with you.

I don’t want to date you if you think that your world should revolve around me, but I want to date you when you know that there is so much more to life. I want you to know that there’s so much beauty and wonder all around us. I hope you’ll see that soon enough.

I don’t want to date you if you still have dreams that will be compromised if you’re with me, instead I want you to use the time that you have now to explore, to try, to fail, and to learn.

I don’t want to date you when God is asking you to serve Him alone because I’m sure He’s asking you this for He is still pruning you and training you.

I don’t want to date you if I’ll just be getting your attention and focus away from God, but I want to date you when both of us will lead each other to Christ, and we love Him more than we love each other.

I don’t want to date you if you’re not yet ready to give up old (and bad) habits because true love also meant sacrifice. I believe that being in a relationship and being single are different responsibilities. In a relationship, you’ll not just think of yourself, but for the other person as well. So I wish you’ll be ready to give up selfish desires if you’ll be dating me.

I don’t want to date you if you think that I’ll change and fix you, nor will I complete you;I can’t and that’s not my job. God will do that for you. I want to date you because it meant to glorify God. The two of us will be persons who will go beyond  their egos. Two imperfect people who will strive to give a perfect love. And I do think that it will please God. So much.

I don’t want to date you just yet because I love you too much to grab this time that God has given you to become the person you are meant to be.

P.S. I don’t want to date a perfect guy and I know you’ll never be that.  No. I will date you because you’re man enough to pursue me and you’re godly enough to know that God is leading you to me. So please, let’s not be impatient. I know there are lonely and tiring nights. But I want to tell you that I exist, and God sees every little thing we do to honor Him. Let’s not give up on each other (even if we still don’t know each other yet). But I hope we strive to be as faithful as we can be. Just so you know, I believe in you. For that matter, for now, please wait. ….

 

He loved us first.

To that one person out there…

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